“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” — Vicki Harrison

 

Many people, even with the best intentions, don’t know how to support someone who is grieving. They don’t know what to say or how to help and, in some cases, even avoid the person who is grieving.

 It can be really isolating for those going through it, especially when they feel like they might be overburdening others with their emotions. Grief can sometimes feel like a never-ending wave, and it’s hard to keep leaning on the same people without worrying about wearing them out. In situations like these, it’s so helpful to have a neutral space where you can express yourself freely without that fear.

In my experience, people who are grieving may hold back from reaching out to others because they don’t want to "bother" them. It’s easy to fall into a pattern of keeping things in, thinking that others have their own lives and problems to deal with. That’s where counselling can make such a big difference, offering a place where someone can feel truly heard and supported, without the sense like they’re taking up too much of anyone’s time.

Here are some practical suggestions for navigating the grief process, hopefully acknowledging the complexity of grief and the importance of self-compassion during such a difficult time.

• Allow your feelings is crucial. It’s so easy to suppress emotions or feel pressure to "move on" quickly, but letting yourself feel whatever comes up, without judgement, is essential for healing. Emotions like confusion, sadness, and anger may coexist, and that’s normal. Grief is rarely linear.
• Sharing your thoughts and feelings with trusted people is a big one. It's so important to have a safe space where you can express yourself. For some, it’s difficult to even know what to say, but just being able to open up and feel heard can be incredibly relieving.
• Looking after yourself can feel like the last thing on your mind when you're grieving, but small things like eating well, staying hydrated, and getting sleep can help maintain the strength needed for emotional processing. Movement, even a short walk, can also release tension and boost mood.
• Honour your loss - Everyone finds their own way to remember and celebrate the life or relationship they’ve lost. Rituals, whether big or small, can serve as a way to connect with your loved one and hold space for that grief.
• Being patient is an often-overlooked part of grief. There’s no “right” way to grieve, and no set timeline for healing.
• Getting creative can be a surprisingly cathartic outlet. Whether through writing, drawing, music, or even cooking or gardening, expressing yourself creatively allows for a deeper connection with your emotions. Sometimes it helps to process grief in a non-verbal way, which can feel more manageable.

The weight of loss is also sometimes compounded by the pressures of everyday life. Juggling responsibilities like work, family, and personal tasks while grieving can feel like an impossible balancing act. On top of that, grief often brings with it a harsh inner critic that makes the emotional experience even more challenging.

Quite often people find themselves struggling with thoughts like - "I'm not strong enough to deal with this." "I don't know who I am anymore." "I should be feeling better right now." "I wasn't a good wife/husband/son/daughter/etc" —are so common and yet deeply painful. Grief often amplifies those negative thoughts, and many people struggle with guilt, regret, or shame, even when those feelings aren't justified. It can lead to a spiral where someone feels as though they aren't grieving the "right" way, or they aren't handling things well enough, which adds to the feelings of pressure or overwhelm.

Being mindful of the self-critical voice is crucial. Grief often brings that voice out in full force, but it’s important to recognize that it’s not a true reflection of who you are. That critical voice tends to distort things, making you believe you're failing when you're actually doing the hardest emotional work of your life. Compassion for oneself, even in those moments of self-judgment, can be a lifeline.

In counselling, one of the things that can help is reframing those negative thoughts—understanding them as part of the grief process and not as truths about who you are or how well you’re grieving. It’s about learning to quiet that inner critic and give yourself permission to grieve in your own way and time.